There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
