Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
