U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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