Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
