I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
