He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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