Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
