I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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