I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
