Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
