Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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