It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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