i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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