Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
