nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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