Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
