quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
