I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
