she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
