can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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