just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
