Me too!
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
