I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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