my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
