Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
