I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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