My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
