i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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