i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
