maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
