Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
