If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
