i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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