how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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