I bet he comes in French.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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