Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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