Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
