I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
