I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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