Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
