she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
