If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
