I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
