this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
