If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have feelings that need drinking.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
