so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
