There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
