you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
