I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
