You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
