so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
