we're chasing vodka with high fives
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
