Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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