I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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