Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Green mimosas i think yes
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
