go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm too high and old for this...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
