So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
