That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
