I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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