Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
