In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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