i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
