i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
