Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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