dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
