perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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