So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
