He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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