I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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