my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
