you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
