just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I think I just sharted jello shots
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