I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Text me some of your sweat
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
