once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
