Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
