you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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