so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
